Learning About Compassion and Forgiveness After Growing Up in a ‘Dysfunctional’ Family

Growing up in an Asian household, I have had times when I resented the relationships I had with my family. Looking back at it now however, I realised that it was simply their way of showing concern and love from what they knew and how.

My parents were divorced when I was 2 years old, I didn’t understand or realise this but I knew they had always fought, yelled and screamed at one another. Eventually, I guess, I grew used to this relationship that they had and didn’t think much of it. 

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Maybe it was because of this, which led to having a dysfunctional family, no one knew how to express one’s feelings, we each blamed each other, we didn’t even eat together as a family, and we closed off our feelings—making this a family of strangers who were simply connected by blood and familial responsibility.

There was an incident in year 5 when I experienced depression and along with my sister, we would stay up all night playing video games.

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I would say this was our ‘escape’ from reality. This gradually deteriorated my interest in going to school, so I ended up skipping it. I even had times when I wouldn’t look after my physical appearance. As a result, this drove my mother to her breaking point where she really didn’t know what to do.

Mind you, depression in 2012 was an uncommon thing. My mother took my sister and I to various places in order to find a ‘cure’ for this state and spent lots of money for medicine where eventually. She then became that overbearing ‘helicopter’ mum who would always nag and be strict with us. 

Looking back, our mum was only trying her best to show she was worried about us and cared for us in a ‘tough love’ way that’s similar to all typical asian parents.

Perhaps this was the repercussions of having a dysfunctional family and thus leading some sort of rebellion without realising that this would eventually hurt those around us.

During this time, my mind drifted into concerning territory and I would often ask myself what my purpose in life was. I suppose all this reflection led me back to Falun Dafa, also known as Falun Gong, a spiritual practice of the mind and body. 

Read Falun Gong Described by Many as a ‘True Way’.

Turning Point

I don’t think I remember exactly when, but I knew that throughout primary school, there were moments where the principles of Falun Dafa would remind me of how to conduct with high moral values.

I encountered this practice when I was 6 in a local park and it was my mother who began first, then slowly introduced it to us at home. In the beginning, we were practicing as a family, my mother, sister and I but gradually after a while, as mum got busier, we also slowly stopped. 

Local practice site in Australia: Image Credit: Supplied

So in this way, what I learnt from Falun Dafa was also, subconsciously, always a part of me, just that it was at the back of my head without a trigger. I wouldn’t have recollected these principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance.

The teacher of Falun Dafa, Mr. Li Hongzhi, said that “Looking within is a magical tool,” that’s what stuck with me the most and what I did and still am doing. 

In year 6, I went back to school. It was a 180 degree transformation, and I became happier with being myself.

Matured Reflection

Reflecting back, I’m grateful for these experiences as it has made me who I am today, I’m glad that I went through something like this when I was young as it has made me wiser.

I do regret, however, that I’ve caused others so much pain, and distraught for being so selfish. I really do want to sincerely apologise to my mother and teacher, I had heard from a friend much later on that my year 5 teacher was quite pained and frustrated with my not going to school—only now do I realise, others might take it personally.

I am now in my 20s and in my final year of university. Our family is now harmonious, and we actually eat together! Growing up has been rough but all of them counted as my lessons to make me into the adult I am today.

Food with family, credit: Unsplash.com

Through my spiritual practice, I am not only able to better improve on my shortcomings but I am also able to consider others first and honesty, I’m not pursuing anything in particular through the practice, I simply hope to improve and learn to be better, and I think I have finally found a guide to do so. There are many obstacles and tribulations but I believe that all can be endured and overcome, you may not know now but, “after passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!”—Lecture 9, Zhuan Falun.

Falun Dafa volunteers are currently holding free online meditation classes where you can learn the exercises from the comfort of your own home. Feel free register your interest here.

‘Learn Falun Gong—Australia’ is a website run by Australian Falun Dafa volunteers for the benefit of the general public.

Disclaimer: Information is provided as a guide only, and does not take the place of professional or medical advice.